Freedom

I might not have gotten jet lag when we got back from our holidays but despite having gone back to the routine and mania of work for a few weeks now, my psyche still feels unsettled and I find myself keep thinking about the trip. Pulling out the phone and looking at the 3,000 or so photos has become a favourite past time. This post-travel depression is running deep.

I am certainly not dysfunctional. After all, I can't afford to be anyway because work pressures keep nudging me on but deep down, beneath all the wheeling and dealing, I feel yearnings in my heart, demanding freedom and time for myself. Incidentally, I find myself dropping routines, eg, I forgot to blog after last weekend, I had to write a work article burning the mid-night oil mid-week because I forgot that the article was due (I usually write them on the weekend). In other words, while my life has by and large settled back into a routine, my emotions and psyche have not. This mismatch is causing unease and a profound sense to frustration within me.

Don't get me wrong. I have no problems coming back home. I love Brisbane and Australia. While wandering around Europe was no doubt exciting and enriching to my soul, I am also deeply conscious and aware of what we have here. Home has a whole lot of comfort and contentment with which a foreign land could never compete.

Rather, I think the issue is one of freedom. When you work, you lose freedom. You have to go to a certain place to meet with certain people at a certain time. There is little flexibility even if you happen to not feel like doing that something. In contrast, when you are travelling, you can do whatever you want whenever you want. Yes, we did scheduled tours in Europe but they were spread out over four weeks and we had heaps of free time in between.

I long for the day when I have the same level of freedom in every day life as I have when we travel.